


The Perfect Guardians

by SpoonyLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bromance, Cheesy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Friendship/Love, Gen, Male Bonding, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 00:59:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoonyLupin/pseuds/SpoonyLupin
Summary: During Harry’s first night at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, Sirius and Remus apologize for not being the perfect guardians. Little do they know that that’s not necessarily what Harry needs or even wants. All he does want is the Sirius and Remus that he loves, flaws and all.





	The Perfect Guardians

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including, but not limited to, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Harry wasn’t even sure how long he had been asleep, but it was still dark outside when he opened his eyes. Other than Ron snoring loudly in his own bed, the house was quiet, so Harry assumed that everyone else was now asleep.

He’d had very strange dreams about odd-looking creatures that Hagrid probably would have liked, but at least Voldemort hadn’t invaded them. Feeling slightly comforted by that, Harry rubbed the sleep from his eyes and then reached for his glasses on the bedside table. He desperately needed a drink, so he placed his glasses on his nose, pushed the covers aside, and got up. He went to the door, at least hoping that Mrs. Weasley had gone to bed, so that she wouldn’t scold him for wandering around the house at night.

Cracking the door open, he listened for a moment. When silence met his ears, he let out a quiet sigh of relief and stepped out into the hall, pulling the door closed with a soft click. He crept down the hall and the stairs, passing room after empty room, until he reached the kitchen.

This room was empty as well, so Harry grabbed a glass from one of the cupboards and filled it at the sink. He leaned back against the counter, drinking it quickly in order to soothe his parched throat. When he’d drained the glass, he filled it once more, deciding to take it back to bed with him.

Harry started climbing the stairs again, but when he reached the first floor, he noticed something - or rather someone - that he had missed on his way down. From his position in the hallway, he could see Sirius sitting on one of the sofas in the drawing room. His godfather had one foot propped up on the coffee table in front of him, the other foot flat on the floor, and his arms were crossed over his chest. He seemed to be staring thoughtfully at the fireplace, almost as if he was trying to figure out some deep secret it held.

“Sirius?” Harry asked, stepping into the doorway.

Sirius immediately looked up at him, surprised. “Harry, what are you doing up?”

“Was thirsty,” he said, holding up his glass of water. He took another sip and asked, “What about you?”

Sirius opened his mouth, but then he closed it again, seeming to reconsider his response. He looked back at the fireplace again. “I don’t sleep well.”

Harry wasn’t sure why he hadn’t realized that already. After everything that Sirius had been through, and with being stuck in a house he despised on top of it all, anyone would have trouble sleeping. Harry fidgeted for a moment, turning the glass around in his hands and watching the water splash against the sides. Finally, he stepped into the room and approached his godfather. He set his glass down on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa, pulling his legs up under him.

Sirius looked at him sideways, one of his eyebrows going up. “What?”

“Nothing,” Harry whispered. “Just thought you could use some company.”

The very corner of Sirius’s lips twitched up into a smile, but it didn‘t quite reach his eyes. “I’ll take your company any day.”

“Me, too,” Harry agreed, and then they feel into silence. It was strange. Before he’d gotten to number twelve, Grimmauld Place that evening, he could have thought of a million things he wanted to talk about with his godfather, but now his mind was oddly blank. “Are you okay?” Harry finally asked, even though it wasn’t the brightest question in the world; it was clear that Sirius wasn’t.

Sirius shook his head, continuing to stare ahead into the fire. “Harry…” he began slowly, but his words seemed to die in his throat.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Sirius let out a heavy breath, slumping down into the cushions a little bit, almost like he was trying to disappear into them. “I’m just sorry for not being a better godfather.”

“Sirius…” Harry cried, “whoever said you weren’t?”

“Molly,” Sirius grumbled. “Or she implied as much.”

“You know, I hate her for what she said to you,” Harry said bitterly.

Sirius waved off Harry’s comment. “Perhaps what made me so angry was that she was absolutely correct.” He paused and frowned. “About me being irresponsible anyway.”

“So you may act rashly,” Harry said carefully, “but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an irresponsible godfather.”

Sirius closed his eyes. “If I wasn’t an irresponsible godfather, things would be so different right now. Possibly the most reckless thing I’ve ever done as your godfather was choosing to go after Peter after your parents died. I didn’t think about how that would affect you. Even if I had succeeded in killing Peter, I would have gone to Azkaban anyway, and you still would have ended up with your aunt and uncle.” Sirius turned to face him then, his eyes apologetic. “I should have thought about you first. Not about my need for revenge.”

Harry wasn’t sure that he should voice his next thoughts, but he did anyway. “I won’t lie - I do wish things were different, but…so you made a mistake. Everyone on this bloody planet has for Merlin’s sake. It’s called being human. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad godfather, because if that were the case, _everyone_ would be a bad parent. Even Mrs. Weasley as much as she’d probably like to deny it.”

Sirius snorted, and Harry was relieved to see some semblance of a smile on his face, one that was beginning to edge its way up towards his eyes. “I still should have done something…anything different. Just one little thing. Things could be so different for you - for us now.”

“Well, just so you know,” Harry said firmly, “you’ve done a lot of things right.”

Sirius looked at him doubtfully. “Yeah, like what?”

Harry stared at his godfather like he was crazy. “Sirius, how many people can say that they broke out of Azkaban, because they were the only one that knew their godson was in danger?”

Finally, that grin that Harry loved so much appeared on his godfather’s face. It wasn’t something that he used a lot, but in the few times that he had seen it, Harry was certain that he’d never get tired of looking at it. “Well,” Sirius said uncomfortably, “yeah, there’s that. But it was mostly me fixing the mistake I made in the first place.”

“It was a lot more than that,” Harry said quietly. “At least to me.” Sirius looked at questioningly, expectantly, which made Harry snicker. “Sirius, you saved my life!”

“Yes, we’ve already established that.”

“That’s a huge thing!” Harry cried. “I mean, how many people do you know who can say that they’ve actually saved someone else’s life?”

“Well, there’s you,” Sirius said immediately. “And Dumbledore. And Moony. Hermione and Ron count, I think. Snape, as much as I hate the greasy bat. Your parents, obviously…”

“Sirius…”

“Actually, when it comes to us, saving people’s lives is a pretty common occurrence.”

“Will you stop it?” Harry asked teasingly. “Stop trivializing what you did. Okay, so a lot of us have saved people’s lives, but that doesn’t make what you did any less important. Not to me. Without you, I wouldn‘t be sitting right now! I don’t care about the circumstances that led to it in the first place - whether you were ultimately responsible or not, it doesn’t matter. Who even knows - it still may have turned out like it did, even if you didn’t go after Peter.” Harry paused. “Worse even.”

“No one could have possibly mucked things up more than I did, Harry.”

“I thought I told you to stop that,” Harry scolded, “but think about it. What if the authorities had cornered Peter instead? Could you possibly imagine him going _willingly_? He may have tried to pull the same exact thing, framed them just as easily, and then _no one_ would have known he was alive. Not even you.”

Sirius tilted his head back and forth several times as if weighing the options. “I never thought about it that way. Still, I’m sorry that I had to go and get myself arrested in the process. I would have gladly given you a home for all these years, rather than you living with your ruddy aunt and uncle.”

“Oh, Sirius…” Harry began, but he had to stop when a lump unexpectedly formed in his throat. He swallowed several times before he was able to go on. “I wish things could have been like that, too. I would have loved to have known all my life instead of just for the past year. We lost so much time together, but that’s not exactly your fault.” Not for the first time, Sirius gave him a sideways stare. “You were arrested and they didn’t even give you a chance to defend yourself. That’s just wrong. And even now, you have to hide here like you’re guilty when that couldn’t be further from the truth. You keep apologizing for what _you_ did wrong, but things haven’t been very fair for you, either.”

“Things haven’t very fair for a lot of us,” Sirius sighed heavily. “Moony, either. He lost a lot when I got arrested. We were his whole world - me, and your parents, and-” He broke off, not needing to mention the rat by name again. Sirius pressed his lips together and frowned deeply. “When we were at Hogwarts together, I promised him that he’d never have to go through another transformation alone ever again. I couldn‘t even keep it. That thought haunted me quite a bit when I was in prison.” Harry narrowed his eyes warningly, and Sirius put up his hands in defeat. “I know, I’m not supposed to be blaming myself,” he said. “It’s just that he was left all alone to fend for himself all these years, and he didn‘t deserve that either.”

“He doesn’t need to be taken care of.”

“I know that. I just mean that he never had a lot of people that he was close to, and he ended up losing the few he did have.”

“I really wish he would have contacted me sooner. At least we could have been miserable together.”

“Dumbledore didn’t want you involved in the wizarding world until you were ready to go to school. Being our world‘s savior is a lot for a little kid to handle.”

“Remus still could have contacted me after I started school.”

“You know how he is. He’s a big git about that sort of thing.”

“Padfoot!” When Harry and Sirius looked up, they saw that Remus was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s really pretty low for you to badmouth me when I’m not even around to defend myself.”

“But you are here!” Sirius exclaimed. “Eavesdropping, I might add. Besides, I wasn’t badmouthing you!” Remus gave him a withering look and Sirius added, “Not really. I just meant that I have a pretty good idea why you _didn’t_ contact Harry. Because you have a habit of thinking you’re not good enough for anyone.”

Remus’s expression immediately softened. His eyes fell to Harry momentarily before he looked down at his feet. “I’m sorry, Harry. I just didn’t know anything about the family that you did have left. I didn’t know they’d be so horrible, and it never really occurred to me that you’d want or even need someone like me in your life. So yes, Padfoot is correct.”

“See? I told you,” Sirius said, sounding satisfied. “A big git.”

“Padfoot!”

“What?” Sirius cried. “You said it was low to badmouth you when you weren’t around, so I’m doing it now that you are here.”

Harry was looking back and forth between them, amused. “You two really are like an old married couple, aren’t you?”

“Harry!” Sirius groaned. “Do you _have_ to bring something _Snape_ said into this?”

Harry shrugged. “Well, you are.”

“He’s one of _those_ people, Harry,” Remus said, stepping into the room. He sat on the arm of the sofa just behind Harry. “He can dish it out, but he can’t take it.”

“I can take it just fine,” Sirius claimed. “I just don’t know why we have to bring the big ugly bat into these things.”

“You’re the one that brought Severus into this,” Remus pointed out. “All Harry said was that we bicker like an old married couple. And we do, by the way.”

“We do not,” Sirius argued. “We tease each other like best friends. There’s a difference.”

Harry found himself smiling as he listened to the two older men. “We’ve never done this before, you know,” he said wistfully, interrupting what promised to be even more bickering between them. “The three of us - we’ve never just sat and talked. And bickered,” he added with a snicker. “I rather like it.”

“Me, too,” Sirius agreed, reaching out to ruffle Harry’s hair.

Harry pushed Sirius’s hand away playfully, and then turned and looked up at the werewolf. “Remus? I meant what I said. I really do wish you had contacted me sooner. I absolutely don’t care that you’re a werewolf. I’m sure you know that by now. I just care that-” Harry hesitated, because they’d never said it to each other before, but he decided that it was the best way to get his point across. “I just care that you love me.”

A very odd expression passed over Remus’s face, almost like he had suddenly lost his breath. “I know that, Harry,” he said, nodding. “I do. And I do love you. I’m trying to get used to the fact that no one who knows me cares about it. It’s just difficult.”

“Honestly, Moony,” Sirius commented, “we love you. Don’t you know that by now?”

“I could say the same thing to you,” Harry said, rounding on his godfather. “I don’t care that you’re rash, either. If you two are waiting or trying to be perfect, just stop. It’s not going to happen, because no one _is_ perfect, but I don’t need you to be. I just need you to love me.”

That grin was back, flitting across Sirius’s lips. “That we do, Harry.” He wrapped an arm around his godson’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “And just for the record, I love you for you. Not because you remind me of James, because I _do_ know the difference.”

“I know you do,” Harry said warmly.

“As do I,” Remus agreed. “I thought Molly was way out of line with that comment. Like you‘re some lunatic that doesn‘t know which way is up.”

Harry looked up at his godfather, smiling. “Just so you know, I never once felt that way - like I’m just a replacement for my dad to you or something. I’ve always felt - I’ve always known - that I’m much more than that to you.”

“God, you are, Harry,” Sirius said, his voice thick with emotion. He tightened his arm around Harry, placing a kiss to the top of Harry‘s hair. “You have no idea how much more you are to me.” He paused for a long time, seeming to consider his next words. “You‘re like a son to me, which is obviously something that I _never_ felt for your father.”

“Exactly,” Harry agreed cheekily, “so I have no idea what Mrs. Weasley was thinking. Other than she really has _no_ clue what our relationship actually entails. If she thinks we act like you and my dad did, then let her. I really don’t mind. I know what I am to you, so who the hell cares what anyone else thinks?”

Remus reached out and placed a warm hand on Harry’s shoulder as silence fell. They sat that way for a long time, each lost in their own thoughts. Harry wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but his eyes started to droop. He eventually drifted off, pressed comfortably against his godfather’s chest.

When Remus noticed Harry had fallen asleep, he slipped down onto the sofa cushion behind the younger man. He pulled Harry’s glasses off carefully, hoping that Harry would get some much needed rest, free from the chaos that Voldemort had created out of his life. At least for a little while.

“You know, Padfoot,” Remus whispered, trying not to wake Harry, “for not being the perfect godfather, you sure are doing a pretty good job. And just for the record, you‘re a damn good best friend, too.”

“Ditto, Moony.”

_The end_


End file.
